What I Learned from My Parents

July 29, 2019 by Winnona Herr

Winnona Herr, a chef, wife, and mother, lives in California and is currently taking a hiatus from her career to raise her son. In this interview, she reflects on what she learned from her parents, her upbringing at the Bruderhof, and how these experiences have informed her approach to parenting. She also talks about what inspired her to pursue a career in cooking, and her dreams for the future.

Could you reflect on your upbringing and what you learned from your parents?

I was born at the Bruderhof and lived there for the first twenty years of my life. I grew up with eleven siblings and a constant rotation of cherished pets, all in the same house. (When I say pets, we had them all: snakes, guinea pigs, chickens, rabbits, gerbils, fish, turtles, a quail, a parakeet, cats with multiple litters of kittens, a lamb, a dog, and a couple houses of homing pigeons!) Our house was wild, crazy, adventurous, and loud, with never a dull or private moment! I still don’t understand how my parents navigated all this and stayed sane. Yet forty-seven years later they are still married and continue to love each other. My childhood was incredible, and my family is the most precious gift in my life.

Living at the Bruderhof was not something I could ever commit to and I wanted to explore the world and create my own life. But choosing to leave the Bruderhof – the only way of life I knew – and start down a new path was extremely intimidating. I don’t think I would have had the confidence to venture into the unknown without the lessons I learned from my parents: My dad taught me the importance of quality craftsmanship, work ethic, attention to detail, productivity, and efficiency. My mom gifted me with her creative talents and taught me so many fun practical skills that I still use daily, both at home and professionally. As well as all that, they taught me to be independent and to have the freedom to be the individual I wanted to be. I have never looked back since making the decision to leave the Bruderhof and start my own journey, other than to remember my happy childhood years. My life has been blessed in so many ways and much of the credit goes to my parents and my upbringing.

As a mother yourself now, what’s important to you as you raise your child? Have you met other parents who feel the same?

Becoming parents is a life-changing event: you’re never really ready for it, but when it happens, you can’t imagine your life before! My husband and I were blessed with our first son in November 2017. Before that, career was my life, my focus, and my energy. I worked harder than I knew was possible. I poured my heart and soul into cooking and baking, working my way around some beautiful hotels and restaurants, slowly advancing into leadership positions and chef roles where I had the freedom to create. In a way, the industry helped to prepare me for motherhood: I had always worked long hours so the reality of being on duty 24-7 wasn’t a huge shock – the daily tasks just changed dramatically. However, after our son was born, I put the brakes on my career and shifted my focus to caring for him.

Honestly, a few of our “best practices” for raising our son are from my childhood. My husband and I have chosen to give our son my time and presence as a stay-at-home mom, which we feel is invaluable. I had every intention of returning to my job but that was not God’s plan, so here I am now, a full-time, stay-at-home mom! I have taken a step back from my career and am giving all my energy and time into raising our son as best I can. My husband works extremely hard to make this possible. On hard days I have to remind myself how blessed I am to be able to stay home and raise my son. There are thousands of families who simply can’t afford to do this.

Our parenting style is a “gentle parenting” or “natural parenting” approach. We started with a natural birth assisted by a midwife, free of all drugs and pain medication, and free of all the lights, noises, and hospital distractions. It was the birth we prayed and dreamed of – truly the most incredible experience of my life. We continue that approach by trying to find natural products to manage teething pain, runny noses, colds, bumps and bruises, rather than reaching for the Motrin or Tylenol. We try our best to feed healthy wholesome meals with minimal processed foods and refined sugars.

Growing up at the Bruderhof, I always loved Wednesday and Sunday nights, as that was when we cooked dinner with our families. I have so many great memories of “family supper nights” and that is something we continue with our little family, but on a daily basis. Our son loves dinner time – he gets so excited and will sit with us for a surprising amount of time before he’s trying to jump out of his chair. He’s been sitting at the table with us since he was born. The first few months he lay in his little bouncy chair that we put on the dining room table when my husband and I ate dinner together.

Another concept we feel is important is the approach of “less is more.” It’s easy to get consumed by buying and collecting excessive amounts toys, clothing, and other gadgets, and it can quickly get out of control. In our house we prefer fewer toys but the ones we have are quality-made: they are simple, and they spark creativity and imagination. We’re not huge fans of having heaps of plastic toys that light up, make noises, and take an army of batteries. This approach has been very instrumental in helping teach my son how to take care of his toys, learn fine motor skills, and keep the house tidy. I also read to him every day and was amazed by how quickly we went from barely making it through one book to being able to sit still and focusing through multiple books in one reading session. We don’t do screen time and hardly watch TV. Although we’re not perfect, we try to stay close to our beliefs on this.

Because I’m raising him at home, not sending him to a daycare, I try to keep him busy with different activities, play dates, outside recreation, beach days and local family friendly community activities. Music has always been a highlight, and our son loves singing and dancing. Thankfully our local community has much to offer.

Our main goal is to raise our son to love God, love and respect us as parents, and love those around him. We hope he’ll be compassionate, respectful, honest, and kind. And we want to give him a fun-filled, adventurous childhood. We have other friends with similar beliefs but it’s up to every parent to choose how best to raise their children. I try to keep an open mind to other opinions while at the same time sticking to what we feel is important.

You’re a trained chef. What inspired you to work in that field and what do you like the most about it?

I completed a three year culinary apprenticeship program through the American Culinary Federation. I always loved cooking with my mom – she taught me the basics and gave me the freedom to experiment in the kitchen at an early age. My grandfather was also a really good cook. Although they were never members of the Bruderhof, my grandparents visited us several times each year, which was always a highlight for us kids. Every time they came, my grandfather brought a large cooler chest full of his homemade pork eggrolls. They were really good! By the end of their weekend visit, the eggrolls were gone and we’d have to wait a few months until he came again.

Helping out in the communal kitchen was also something I enjoyed, and each summer I begged to be assigned there. Bruderhof food is unique! It’s a melting pot of dishes adopted from many backgrounds, with a heavy influence of European heritage. The food is simple, fresh, and created in a way that can effectively feed hundreds of people at once with minimal preparation, catering to the palates of everyone from toddlers to the elderly. My favorite times of year in the communal kitchen were the summer months and the Christmas season. During my high school years, I spent two summers working with my mom making all the jams, jellies, and canned goods to sustain the community through the winter months. And of course, the holiday season was a highlight with all the traditional Christmas baking.

So, it was a combined inspiration from my own mother and grandfather as well as growing up learning to cook the Bruderhof cuisine that inspired me to pursue a professional career in the industry. I was in for a wild ride: I thought I knew how to cook from growing up at the Bruderhof; however, I was pleasantly mistaken. My culinary training opened my world to food and I ran with it.

What’s important in preparing food and eating it? Is there a right way to do it?

There is absolutely technique and correct methods of cooking and preparing food. Nevertheless, the beauty of cooking is that you don’t have to abide by any of them – you can let creativity take control. Obviously, it’s not always recommended to take creative freedom unless you have some idea of what you’re doing, or your guests may leave hungry. To me the most important part of preparing any dish is to do it with love. That may sound cliché but I can always tell the difference between a dish made carelessly and one made with love and care.

You have a dream to open your own restaurant someday. How do you envision that and what are your hopes for it?

My heart is always in the kitchen where my creativity thrives. Although I am taking a much-needed break from the demanding positions I held in the past to raise our son, I will return. I hope to return together with my husband and open our own restaurant, “Family Supper.”